🔗 Share this article Balancing the Yearning for Casual Encounters Whilst Pursuing a Meaningful Relationship Being a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent numerous, mostly pleasurable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men since the age of 19. In my 30s, I had a committed partnership that lasted a significant period, but it never fully satisfied me, in that I felt neither loved or intimately fulfilled. The fact is that my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I begin to date a potential partner, once the newness fades, an impulse arises to be intimate with new partners once more. Reflecting on the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to maintain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that many homosexual males have open relationships, but from my observations, they have seemed like hard work, often causing lots of heartache and envy among all parties. To a large extent, I want another man to care for me while allowing me to remain sexually free, but I dread to imagine the psychological toll this might create. Is it best to keep having spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a lasting partnership is not possible? I’m feeling somewhat confused. Each individual's sexual journey varies. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to handle different types of sexual unions as fixed. Your needs in your current state could easily shift in the future; at a certain time you might become less ambivalent and discover some clarity and a suitable route … or perhaps not. At some point you could encounter a person offering a life-changing chance to you through mirroring what you want completely … and later on you might decide that non-committal encounters are best for you. Worrying about what lies ahead and engaging in endless speculation is simply anxiety-based and squandering of your energy. Try to be in the moment with your partners, and see the worth of every individual you connect with intimately an intimate bond. If and when you are ever ready to strengthen genuine closeness with one partner, it will be clear. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a American therapy professional focusing on addressing intimacy issues.